You all know the story of Bryan and I now. And don't worry, I'm not gonna bore you with anymore about us for the time being. Well, maybe a little toward the end of this post but it won't be mushy. I promise. So please, just bear with me. For the last 2+ years of my life, I dated a man that was a ton of fun to be around. We had so much in common. We both loved sports; watching and participating. We both loved music and going to live concerts. We lived by the pool in the summers. He constantly made me laugh. I entered that relationship with every intention of keeping it focused on God.
He and I met online and I made it clear from the beginning that I wanted a Godly man in my life. He told me what I wanted to hear, won me over, then showed me his true self. But by then it was too late. Despite all the good things, there was a very pessimistic, glass more than half empty side to him. He said he was "jaded". He cussed all the time, had absolutely no patience (especially with my boys) and apparently had an awful way of controling me that I was aware of. He was selfish and was obsessed with anything relating to sex. The longer I stayed in that relationship, the further and further I found myself away from God. I turned my back on things that I knew to be right and instead looked to things that were wrong. I knew for over a year that I needed to be away from him but I just couldn't break free.
During that last year, we broke up probably 5 or 6 times but even during those times, we still did everything together and we always ended up back together. I was afraid of being by myself. I have no family out here in Texas. I have friends through work and softball, but I still feel very alone. I felt "secure" with him. There was a brief time last September, that I went out with someone who loved God with all his heart. I was very encouraged by him but the attraction part of it just wasn't there. The relationship never took hold and once again I ended up with my ex and back to being away from God. I was stressed. I was as low as I think I had ever been and was actually making myself sick. Litterally. I decided that after the holidays, I would begin to SLOWLY move away from him. But God had other plans.
Enter Bryan. Enter the catalyst that I needed to break free. Rather than breaking away slowly, God had me break away within a week. Very early on, Bryan expressed to me that he believed that God had a calling for him. Immediately, I felt an interest peak in my heart. Within a month, Bryan and I realized that the calling was for both of us. God took a cold and hardened heart and within one month, softened it. Filled it with joy and a desire to do His bidding. He brought it back to life. Now that it was no longer being exposed to sinful things, but rather to good and lovely things, it was able to break free of the binds that had held it closed off for far too long. God is so good.
Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anthing praiseworthy ~ meditate on these things.
Philippians 4:8
In searching for the scripture to go along with my story, I found several that were pertinent. Of course. But, along the way, I also confused myself a bit and this is why I said in my first paragraph that this is a work in progress. I'll briefly explain why. God wants us to surround ourselves with all things that are good and pure. He doesn't want us to subject ourselves to things that are sinful and bad. Now the confusing part: He DOES want us to go out amongst the sinners to spread the gospel. My dilema is this: how can we keep ourselves away from the sinners and yet go out and do His work? That, my friends, is the work in progress so keep your eyes posted over the next few days. I've got more studying to do and once God reveals where He's going with this, you'll be the first to know.
Until then ~ Be blessed!
Judi Blue
2 comments:
I've been wrestling with similar issues. How can I be more comfortable in a work environment surrounded by 'non-believers,' in the world on a daily basis and not be affected by it.
The answer can be found in Romans 12:2: "Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will."
God wants us to be among people who do not know Him so that we can be the salt and the light of the earth. However, our minds must be transformed by Him so that we can do just that. This is a process...sometimes it takes a lifetime, other times it takes an instant.
Seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness.
Be encouraged. You are heading in the right direction.
Wow. I think it is such a delicate balance of fellowship and support from the christian community and time spent amont those who are lost. Someone once told me it is like breathing. You have to breathe in and out to stay alive. Do only one or the other and you won't make it long.
Post a Comment